An Intervention for the Person Singing "Last Christmas"
I was typing away at Starbucks this morning as the playlist in the room changed from the coffeehouse’s typical brand of corporate indie to eclectic Christmas grab bag. Somewhere in the midst of things “Last Christmas” started playing and, for some reason, I started overanalyzing the song.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
The very next day you gave it away
That’s rough. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Maybe not on Christmas. It’s more like a random Tuesday in March, but it stings nonetheless. But on Boxing Day, the day after Christmas where there’s already a melancholy holiday hangover (in America, at least; I think the day is actually more festive in George Michael’s UK. Or not, maybe it just involves a lot of watching BBC. I don’t know), that cuts deep. I see why you’re singing this song, person.
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special.
Whoa. Whoa. Time out. This is a huge red flag and why I started thinking far too much about this song. Because it seems like there is not an actual “someone special.” It’s just like, “I’m going to find someone special before the holidays. I’ve got a few weeks. You’ll see.” Did you learn NOTHING from last Christmas? The whole problem is that you gave your heart to someone you didn’t really know and then they laughed as they squeezed the life out of your aorta as you looked on in horror like you’re in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Like, if you sang, “This year, to save me from tears / I’ll give it to my boyfriend Larry” or “longtime gal Sandra” then I’d feel a little more confident about your decision making. Or hey, “I’ll give it to friends and family.” Give that heart to people who are trustworthy, friend. But “someone special”? Some rando you just met because you feel like that’s what you’re supposed to do? You are doomed to repeat the exact same mistakes over and over again.
This is when I started to wonder if the perpetual existence of “Last Christmas” is actually a meta-commentary on this person who is doomed to a purgatory of relational mistakes. They give their heart to wrong someone special this Christmas and then sing “Last Christmas” next year. Then they give it to the wrong someone special that Christmas and he or she is singing it again in a year. As long as another holiday is celebrated on God’s green earth, this person is going to be mourning their poor yuletide choices only to make the exact same mistake again. There is no hope for this person because its presence on Christmas playlists year after year have sentenced them to a bleak Bill Murray in Groundhog Day existence. Because if you look at the rest of the words of the song, there is only way this can end for the singer. And that's poorly.
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby
Do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year
It doesn't surprise me
(Merry Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying, "I love you, " I meant it
Now, I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again
What in the seasonal Sheol are you doing?! You’re still hung up on this individual! This relationship ended nearly a year ago and you have not let it go. You’re still going to same parties as this person. You're kind of stalking him or her in hopes that they’ll connect with you again, even though you know full well that they are a terrible person who will treat your heart like a trampoline. This isn’t healthy. Get out of that party! Where are your friends who tell you that this is a horrible idea?
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now, I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
I do not believe this for a second. You have totally concocted a fake boyfriend or girlfriend in hopes of making this person jealous. “Oh, yeah, they’re like a really cool actor/model, but they’re only doing that while they’re in school. Their real passion is to become a veterinarian who tends to dogs that have stepped on landmines in war-torn countries.” This person is a figment of your imagination. If you have found a real love, you don’t say things like “You’ll never fool me again.” You’d be like, “Last Christmas? Psssssssh, who cares? I’m in an awesome relationship now!”
Plus, I know this “real love” isn’t legit because we go back to the chorus with the vague “someone special” and then at the close you finally admit that maybe next year you’ll give it to someone special.
And you know what, friend? I think next year is a good idea. Because you know who else is someone special? You. Maybe this Christmas you take a little time to get to know yourself; realize that you are a valuable person. Maybe hang out with people who will affirm you and not take you to parties where you hope that you’ll run into your manipulative ex. And you know what? Finding love doesn’t have to be next year. Maybe love comes a few years down the road. Maybe love comes on Arbor Day. Regardless, you are someone special no matter what. Break this cycle, friend. I know you can do it. I’m glad we had this chat.
