To Jim on His 12th Birthday

Jim,

Let’s start with this picture; a birthday tradition that began when you were probably five years old. You would always hold up the number of fingers you turned that day. Obviously last year, we exceeded the digits on your hands. You actually made a joke this morning about holding up one of your feet. Instead we just took this picture.

And this is the first time that I see something else in your birthday picture. I’ll look back and there is this bright eyed, cherubic kid. That’s still in there but I’m beginning to see the something beyond the kid now. You’re getting taller, leaner. You’re growing up and the little kid part of you is starting to recede into the background. I am not entirely sure what to do with that. I mean, you’re twelve. This is life. It is what happens.

We actually had a nice moment talking about this in the car on the way to school today. You crawled into the front seat after we dropped your brother off. “You can’t believe you have a twelve year old, huh?” you asked. I explained that I did believe it. I have been here the whole time after all, but it was strange. I remember first hearing your heartbeat. I remember the first time I saw your tiny, helpless body as the nurses handed you to your mom. So for that baby to be sitting in the front seat asking that question in a deeper voice as I drive him into middle school is weird. But I said that growing up is what you are supposed to do and your supposed to do and that your mom and I are proud of the young man you’re becoming.

And that is 100% true. Well, maybe not 100%. You are not perfect. Of course neither am I. But on the whole, it has been amazing to see the ways you have grown up in this past year. It has been cool (and, again, a little weird) to have you in my youth group. I love how you are excited about what we do each week. Some of my favorite evenings have been when you have stayed after to help me clean up after our Sunday night gatherings. It reminds of the many times I would help my dad and mom after they did something at church. So they are cool moments when I feel closer to you and closer to my own parents.

I have very much passed on my love of nerd culture to you and I cherish that we get to share those passions together. We love Star Wars and the MCU movies. We have been binge watching The Flash of late and you were excited to get a S.T.A.R. Laboratories shirt for your birthday today (in fact, I have to put it in the dryer in a minute so you can wear it to school tomorrow). I am proud that I have raised you to be a big fan of DC Comics. In this past year, you have started borrowing and reading my graphic novels; going through some of my favorite stories about Superman, The Flash, and the Justice League. You have actually started a graphic novel collection of your own beginning with the Super Sons adventures starring Jonathan Kent and Damian Wayne.

As you grow up into a teenager, I am not always sure you’ll want to share things like that in common with me. I hope you do, but I can never be too sure. You’ll pull away some, but I hope not too far. So I cherish the time that we have together: riding to school in the mornings, you following me around the halls of the church, playing video games on the couch at home, reading and praying with you each night before bed.

Never forget how much you are loved. Your mom and I love you more than words can possibly say. Your brother, believe it or not, loves you so much. Your grandparents think you’re amazing. Your cousins adore you. Your aunts and uncles, people at church, and friends at school love you. And God loves you more than you could ever imagine. I hope you never, ever forget any of that. As the years go by and life changes in a myriad of ways, I hope that truth can be a tether to which you can always hold.

I look at that picture and I see a kid and a young man of whom I am so immensely proud. You are a gift. I am so blessed that I get to be your dad. Happy 12th Birthday!

Love,
Dad