To Liam on his 10th Birthday

Liam,

Let me start with a story from our trip to Disney World this past week. On our first day, I discovered that motion simulator rides and I are no longer friends. Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run and Star Tours had me stumbling out in a disheveled sweat. But it was Avatar: Flight of Passage on Day 2 that nearly did me in. The ride is a technical marvel and halfway through I was really worried that I was going to vomit all over its technical marvelousness. I closed my eyes and began trying to take slow, deep breaths. I let out a few coughs which is often a sign that I am going to throw up.

Then I felt a small hand on top of my own and your voice called out, “Daddy?” I looked to my right and in the middle of this wild ride in which we were swooping over a gorgeous alien planet, your eyes were locked on me with concern. I weakly smiled and said, “I don’t feel too good, buddy.” You squeezed my hand and then held on to your virtual banshee dragon thing as it went into another dive. I still felt awful, but I think that one moment—when you noticed me in the middle of a theme park ride you were enjoying—was what kept me from getting sick all over the place. You notice people and are attuned to what’s going on inside them. Everywhere you go, your heart is always leading you.

You are, as you have proudly said more than a few times today, a decade old. You look older with your recent buzz cut. The chunkiness that has been in your cheeks since you were a baby is thinning out. You are growing at the exact rate that you should be and yet it all feels too fast. As I sit in your room as you drift off to sleep, I can see both the little boy clutching his duck and the young man that you are becoming.

You are a hilarious kid; a ham and a performer that we probably need to get into a theater program as soon as we can. Yet that performer’s persona does not prevent you from being also profoundly vulnerable. When we ask you and your brother what to pray for at bed each night, you talk to us about having anxiety. Indeed the last few months, I feel like that I have been doing all that I can to keep those anxious monsters at bay. It has not always been easy, but I—and your mom—will never stop fighting for you in whatever way we can. I cannot adequately describe how much we love you. I think a parent probably should always have trouble with that. Just know that your wild and beautiful imagination cannot comprehend the depth of our love for you.

As you enter into this tenth year, I am so grateful for that imagination, for your laugh, for the way that you grab our hands when we are walking around, for the ways in which you are brave, for the way your heart melts at the sight of virtually any animal, for the way that your eyes ignite those many times that you experience joy, for the big feelings that make you who you are, and, again, for the way that your heart is always leading you.

Never forget that you are never, ever alone. God is always by your side. Your mom and I will always be here for you. Your big brother, as much as he may insist otherwise, loves you fiercely. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins adore you. You are our wonderful Liam and we are so lucky that we get to be part of your life. Continue to grow at your pace, but not too fast. Continue to let your heart and compassion lead you. May you be love and goodness follow you all throughout this year. I love you, Liam, and I am so fortunate that I get to be your dad. Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,
Papa